THE Book

THE Book
My sister teaches at the Notre Dame University College of Mass Communication. She asked me to get her a book by Marites Vitug, Shadow of Doubt, as my birthday present for her. I went to google the title and found that it was sold only in selected outlets, one of which is the UP College of Law. I was coming to Manila so I texted a dear friend who teaches at UP to please please buy me the book. He said okay, and then the following day said that the book has been sold out, and that on Friday, it was going to be delivered at Solidaridad Bookshop in Ermita. I looked at my schedule and saw that we were free after 2 pm so I decided to go and buy the book myself.
When we arrived at the book store, two lawyers were already there, waiting for the books to be delivered. It seems that the books were coming from somewhere and the delivery man took the taxi and was caught in the traffic. Ian and I waited and joked and went through the book shelves of the little bookshop, so rich in one-of-a-kind books that if they were accepting payment by credit card, I could have bought so many! We waited and read, waited and read, waited and read for the next two hours... We read Julie Yap Daza’s “I did not marry you because I love you!” and other quotes from famous Pinoys. We browsed through Newsweek, Newsbreak, Time, the Business World, comic books, medical books, books on love and relationship, books on ... anything!!!!
Finally, the books arrived. We lined up (by that time, there were several others who came in already, having come and asked, went away and then returned...and finally decided to stay and browse much like what we were doing) and Ian was NUMBER ONE up there! In less than 5 minutes, I counted there were 8 books already sold and there was one more man waiting in line who said he reserved in advance for 5 books!
We were very happy to have our books, as Ian left for the airport and I went back to my hotel room. I wish to thank the author for coming out with this book. According to my dear friend the UP Professor, the author is now receiving death threats. It is only in the Philippines that democracy is so compartmentalized – it is claimed by everyone who wants to run for public office yet defined “a different way” by those who refuse to have their public office investigated. Sigh... only in the Philippines? Nah....

Working for Justice in pursuit of Peace

Timor Leste will always feel like "home" to me, after going through a major war in 1999 and two minor internal / civil conflicts with the people. Whenever I step out of the plane into the soil, the air makes me feel enveloped like a prodigal daughter (ha ha). People who used to know me in the past call out "Mai ona Senhora? Kleur ba feriadu!" (Hey Missis, you have come? Took a long vacation, ya?). The smile on their faces make me feel that I just left the country yesterday. When I meet the driver and speak the language, he smiles and says "You still speak like a native, welcome home!"

This year, my visit was in support of my organization (CRS)'s support to the (3rd) Timor Leste Peacebuilding Institute. I was very excited as this was a dream come true for me - to finally train national (East Timorese) trainers for their own institute!

The week started with a 6 day training of trainers and it was fun as we shared our experiences as trainers, reviewed many of the concepts of conflict, violence, peacebuilding. We also took time to understand the Conflict Transformation paradigm of John Paul Lederach because this is what TLPI wanted as its core value and teaching, We took time to form the facilitating team for the TLPI 2010 courses (Conflict Resolution Skills, Peace Advocacy and Trauma Healing) and then we prepared our syllabus and modules for the courses. It was fun as the trainees were a mix of practitioners, trainers and program staff.

As a trainer-accompanier, I was very excited for the simulation when the teams had to present a part of their module and the others had to pretend that they were participants. The experience was very intense, and there were many lessons learned for me as well as for everyone I believe. For me, even as in my heart I feel that I am part of the land, I still am not an East Timorese and I had to accept that hard part. In the long run, the land was theirs, the culture was theirs, the decisions to be made had to be owned by them.

The course on Conflict Resolution Skills was held up in Dare, where the fog comes into the session hall and you see the participants seating around like shadows and the facilitator walking and gesturing like a shadow. It was very cold, and very beautiful.

It was another opportunity for people who are like and unlike-minded to get to know each other and learn together and start building bridges towards each other. It was also a novel experience for the three co-facilitators who patiently learned from each other and from me, meeting each other every break time to improve, improve, improve presentation skills and teaching-learning skills, and using activities to teach and putting together lessons learned. We ritualized the end of the course with the traditional dance called Tebedai where everyone stomps around the room in one tight circle :)

During the course, we invited Pat Walsh who is the senior consultant for the CAVR or the Commission for Reception, Truth and Reconciliation in Timor Leste to come and share with us the work of CAVR in the past, in the present and what he thinks the people around the room can contribute towards the attainment of justice in the present and future. It was a session that generated so many questions and silences.... for a country that had at least one person dead or lost (desaparecido) in every family, wounds have to be dealt with in gentle and respectful manner.

Before coming back to Mindanao, I went to visit the CAVR office in the old Balide prison where many of those who were suspected as supporting the nationalist movement have been incarcerated, tortured, killed. It was a visit that resulted in mixed emotions.

I was so happy to see the prison in its new "dress" - new paint (soft rosy cream for walls, bright blue for the jail doors leading to the rooms converted into offices and one small store that sells the books and CDs as a result of the work of CAVR), big paintings, a reflection garden. It is upon entering the room that contains the history of the struggle (in words and pictures, framed in big boxes) that my heart felt that it was being squeezed. It is seeing again what this country had to go through in its fight for independence... the deaths and massacres, the hunger, the tortures, the personal crimes committed against the women suspected of supporting the revolutionary movement, the divided families (with children being separated from parents)... and the FEAR that is still almost palpable as I walked around the room. Yet as I look at the eyes of those whose faces were caught on cam, there is a fierce look of determination in their eyes, the commitment ... A LUTA CONTINUA! ... the struggle continues.... and the HOPE is also palpable as I look at the faces in the pictures.

As I left the room, I offered a short prayer for the nation... and then I entered another room which made me feel so much like crying. It was the room with no windows, it was the room where they held political prisoners incommunicado for days, it was a room where, when they take you out, you do not come back to. At present, it had a small white board where people can write down the name of someone who is still missing or who was heard to be held in that room many decades back. It also has a small candle stand where people can light candles and offer prayers.

Across a small aisle is a couple of rooms that had no ventilation... and as you enter, your eyesight is met with a huge picture of a woman who is almsot naked, lying on the floor with her eyes covered, bearing the signs of torture. I was not able to stand that ... I left and stood still outside, in the garden, just holding myself in. I knew I had to cry but I did not want to do this at that time (knowing I had a meeting in a couple of hours' time and I still had to finish my report). It was then that I thought of how to help others deal with what I have just experienced. I designed a process of preparing one's self for the experience, and processing one's experience immediately after the visit. I immediately communicated this with the facilitator for TLPI who will be bringing the participants to visit CAVR the following week-end. I offered a prayer for those who have died, those who are still dying inside because of what happened to them, and for those who refuse to die and be defeated by their bad experience... A LUTA CONTINUA!

The visit to the CAVR office brings into clarity the hard work for JUSTICE and PEACE.

There are those who think that the work for justice and the work for peace contradict each other. I do not agree to this. The work for PEACE (sustainable, rooted, meaningful for the people) is based on finding justice for the wrong done unto a people. "People" here means individuals, families, communities and the Nation that wraps everyone into her arms. Until and unless there are individuals, families, communities in Timor Leste who feels that the wrong done unto them have not been fully addressed, then we will have pockets of dissent, discontentment, anger and bitterness pock-marking the whole nation.

And when noble efforts like what the Peacebuilding programs of institutions like CRS TL, Caritas, Belun, Oxfam, the Justice and Peace Commission work together to help people address the conflicts in their midst, to deal with their brokenness and to work with justice in a way that does not add to the injustice, then there will be pockets of peace like ... road maps? arrows? ... or oases where we can draw our inspirations from. (I wanted to say "pockets of peace beautifully tatooed alongside the pock marks on our nation" but I still cannot expound on this analogy so I am living the work for peace as oases...)

After writing this blog, I feel a sense of release...

... and when everything is over and done with, I am Deng, a Filipina, a Mindanawan, with the heart for the people of Timor Leste... A Luta Continua!